Copyright 2010 Lusty Library. All Rights Reserved http://www.lustylibrary.com en-us Fri, 19 Mar 2010 01:04:24 -0400 webmaster@lustylibrary.com (TheLustyLibrarian) Straight:Humor/Satire http://www.lustylibrary.com/Stories/Straight/Humor-Satire/Pink-Panties_10975 Straight:Humor/Satire Tue, 02 Mar 2010 09:27:07 -0500
It all began on a foggy Sunday afternoon. We were lazing around the house, each of us nursing a hangover, wearing what little we had gone to sleep in when we realized it was one o’clock in the afternoon. We made a strong pot of coffee and grubbed whatever was edible in the refrigerator. Taking our plates and cups to the living-room we curled up on the sofa to discuss what had happened the night before. She told me about what and who she saw and I compared it to my vague recollection of the events. “What was his name?” I asked and she laughed. That laugh only a girlfriend can give when she knows exactly what you’ve done. Refueling complete we were on to our next adventure. We shared the shower. As she washed my long red hair she began to ask the questions I always dreaded. I wasn’t as into sex as she was. In fact I didn’t really enjoy it. I enjoyed the flirting and attracting attention. Sex was just something I did as a thank you for your time and attention. “Did you blow him?” “No,” I retorted her hands massaged my scalp. “Did you touch him at all?” “You know I didn’t.” I leaned to put my hands on the shower rail, her massage weakening my resistance. “How big was he?” she asked as she pulled the suds from the scalp to the ends of the hair dangling across my ass. “Not as big as Randy,” ...

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As our Heroines and Hero walk onwards through the rain to the Bondybum Castle, inside the castle, there is Queen Wabbs of the Bond People, snapping on her latex gloves. She holds love balls in one hand, and pushes Frisco down onto one of her many occupied tables. Queen Wabbs of the Bond People looks down on our intrepid Heroines and Hero as they walk up, arm in arm in arm in arm, the unfeasibly long castle steps far below her laboratory. She grins and mutters to herself, “I’ll get you my pretties, and your little slave too!” She points at the cage in her lab, filled with Lusties. Playing with the love balls in one hand she begins to sing, How d’you do, I see you eyein’ my luscious Bondy manIt's my experiment, to your detrimentwith people from Humpin LandDon’t get strung out by the way they lookThough they may look kinda funkyI’m not much of a hatter, by the madness of dayThey’re just my flyin’ monkeysI’m just a hopping mad Wabbit, from Cyberland, Lusty Library Meanwhile, at the castle doors, Ms Funny Pants hesitantly lifts the huge phallus knocker on the large foreboding doors and slams it down. A moment later the doors open as a man wearing a “Hello my name is Rotsen” sticker approaches them down a long winding staircase.“The Queen is expecting you... walk this way…” Rotsen lurches off up the staircase. They all follow, lurching behind him. As they approach the ...

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Welcome Horny Readers!!! It is with great pride and foolish lust, that we bring to you this story. And by we, I mean, (in alphabetical order) Madame Librarian, Dukky, Bumlick- I mean Wylie, Lez, Wabbit and Master Shrimp. Oh! And let us not forget, Milady. Not to be confused with MiHoe. All silly characters and silly events in this story— even those based on silly fictional people— are entirely sillyly real. All context that seem like spoofs of famous movies, songs, dialogues even quotes, are impersonated…. Silly- I mean poorly. The following story contains coarse language and very silly silly material, and due to its content, should not be read…. By anyone. Even if they are silly in a strait jacket and on silly medication. It is just too silly for any sane person to continue. Womanaka Ms Funny Pants PS- it is true. I have never cum. I need a musical to lighten my spirits. PPS- Thank-you to all for allowing us to abuse your name in this silly story. Your internal organs will be humped in thanks at a later time. (Wylie thinks; especially if your reproductive organs are on the inside except for gallbladders.) Now on with the show! Lights! Camera! HUMP! Ms Funny Pants lies there looking up at the clouds in the sky, a light misting ...

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Sex Fantasy TV, A PlayScene 1: A television studio set sometime in the future. Three couples are seated in front of the main TV camera. The show's host is standing in front of them with a stage behind the host. On the stage are prizes for the contestants. A studio audience is observing the goings on.Characters:Peter Long: Sharply dressed middle-aged man. He is the host of the show.Debbie: Shapely, young woman in a sequined dress. She points to the prizes on the stage.The Announcer: Deep male voice, never seen on the set.Man 1, Richard Foster: A late twenties man with wavy dark brown hair. He is casually dressed.Woman 1, Robin Foster: An attractive woman in her twenties, she is Richard's wife. She has long blonde hair and is sharply dressed.Man 2, Sam Hirsche: A man in his early thirties with blonde thinning hair. Woman 2, Rita Hirsche: A woman in her early thirties, nicely dressed. She is Sam's wife.Man 3, Gordon Hobbs: A man approximately thirty, dressed in a sweater and dress slacks. He has red hair.Woman 3, Irene Hobbs: A woman, also about thirty with brown curly hair. She is Gordon's wife.Act 1, Scene 1:(Camera focuses on Peter, the host.)Peter: Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the Sex Fantasy TV Edition of The Newlywed Game. I am your host, Peter Long broadcasting from Studio One in Sex Fantasy Land. The show where couples find out how much they really know about each other. Before we begin, our announcer ...

Get The Full Story At Lusty Library]]> http://www.lustylibrary.com/Stories/Straight/Humor-Satire/The-Talk-(Fifth-stab-at-humor)_10679 Straight:Humor/Satire Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:07:25 -0500
Hello everyone. I know I talked about my ex-wife and mentioned my daughter briefly, but I never mentioned my son. His name is Mike. I just had to bring him up since this being a sex theme site, I was reminded of a talk we had some years ago. You know the talk. Oh yes, that talk. I can't recall how it went exactly, but I think it went something like this.I was sitting around the kitchen table with my wife Kim. I had a bourbon in front of me and I was looking for any excuse to avoid the inevitable. My wife was no help. Heck, she had the easy part. "Look, Mike is eleven already. He is going on twelve. You know you have to do this." She started."I know, I know." I said, "But, does it have to be tonight?""What are you going to do, wait till he is in college?" she asked rather sarcastically."No, I just, um...""Look, he is an eleven-year-old. You know he is showing some interest in girls. He is just dying for information. He needs it from you, his father," she said flatly."You're right Baby. I'll go in there right now," I said.I hated it when she was right.I finished my bourbon and walked into Mike's room. I closed the door behind me. Mike was sitting on the bed sorting through some baseball cards."Mike, we need to have a little talk," I started."About what, Dad?""Um, the birds and the bees," I stammered.I had no ...

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“I am not a hooker!” I screamed at my roommate Julia.Julia and I had just begun our junior year of college. We had shared a dorm room since we were freshmen. Julia, a willowy black-haired beauty with incredibly long legs and small but firm breasts made rather unique by huge nipples, often slept in my bed. Or I slept in hers. Neither one of us had found a frat rat yet who could spell cunnilingus, let alone do it very well. “Sarah, you just showed me four one hundred dollar bills and said you got them for doing some dude,” Julia replied snidely. “It was an accident! The guy thought I was a hooker, and one thing just led to another.”“Maybe it was that ‘I LOVE DICK’ T-shirt you are wearing. Not only are the words sexually suggestive, but the shirt is too tight and you’re not wearing a bra.”It was a Steelers novelty T-shirt, black with gold lettering. Under the “I LOVE DICK” in big black letters was the word “LeBeau” in much smaller letters. Dick LeBeau is the Pittsburgh Steelers' Defensive Coordinator.“Well, the damn shirt shrunk!” I snapped, not able to think of much else to say.“Just where did this hookup happen?” Julia asked, frowning disapprovingly at me.“You know that big truck stop on I-79 at the exit where we get off when we are going to the Glenview Mall? The battery on my cell phone went dead, so I stopped to use one of those outside pay phones ...

Get The Full Story At Lusty Library]]> http://www.lustylibrary.com/Stories/Straight/Humor-Satire/The-Algebra-of-Love_10517 Straight:Humor/Satire Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:35:13 -0400
This is based on a true story, no word of a lie; okay so my dialogue wasn’t as cool but that’s why they call it artistic license! Read on dear reader...The names in this story have been altered to protect the innocent (it’s also a funny way of looking at the situation and otherwise the title would make no sense either)... and I always wanted to be Mr X; okay I get close...Teacher Y sees student X in the corridor. “X, is there any chance that I could have a word with you?”“Certainly Mr Y,” replies student X.Teacher Y, who thinks himself trendy and cool with the students – don’t all art teachers think that – ushers student X into an empty classroom.“There seems to be some... friction in my form class, X... I was wondering if you knew anything about it?” Student X is in the year above Teacher Y’s form class but is friends with a number of students in the form.“Well... there has been a little bit of ... how shall I put this... matters of the heart...”“Go on,” says Teacher Y.“Just to keep things anonymous...” Teacher Y nods in agreement.“Well... it seems that A likes B and A asked B out. However, after A and B's date it seems that B didn’t like A as much as A liked B... with me so far?” Teacher Y nods in an uncertain manner.X carries on regardless, “So where A really likes B but B isn’t so keen on A, ...

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One of my newfound hobbies, so to speak, is reading and writing sex fantasy stories on a sex fantasy website. It is a site I stumbled across while innocently reading an article on sex fantasy. Since joining the site I have found myself fascinated by the number and variety of sex fantasies. It has provided me with countless hours of entertainment. Reading people's fantasies is sort of a way to get into their minds unobserved. I even wrote a few of my own.Reading through the many varied stories can be rather arousing at times. While I find most rather boring tales of boy meets girl, boy takes girl to hotel room type encounters, some are rather fascinating. The ones I find most fascinating stimulate me in an intellectual sort of way, but others are just plain arousing. The ones I find most arousing, for me at least, are the girl-girl encounters. This is no real surprise when I think about it. I was never really a fan of porn movies, my attitude always being that if you have to watch videos of other people having sex there is something missing in your life. The ones that I have seen rarely do much for me. I really don't like seeing men naked on a screen. My attitude is that if I want to see a naked man I can look in the mirror. The only parts I ever ...

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Beginner’s Meeting, A PlayScene 1: A church basement. An odd looking assortment of people are sitting on metal folding chairs arranged in a circle. In the corner is a table with coffee and donuts.Characters: Charles: Middle aged man, about 40 dressed in a plaid sweater. He is the group leader.Pete: a.k.a. Pervert Pete, a graying man of about 60 dressed in a raincoat.Bob: A fidgety man of about 35 who continually clutches an inflatable sheep.Alan: Middle aged man of about 48 dressed casually in jeans and a dress shirt.Carrie: Middle aged woman, about 45 dressed rather scantily. Looks sort of like a cross between a transvestite hooker and a hooker.Gwen: A ‘little person,’ she is dressed in a leather dominatrix outfit.Act 1, Scene 1:Charles: Welcome to the Parlin, New Jersey Beginner’s meeting of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. My name is Charles. I am a sex addict.Group: Hi Charles, welcome.Charles: I will be your group leader tonight. I want to welcome any new members. I also want to say that Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a self-sufficient non-profit organization that depends on your donations. I will pass the collection basket around as I continue the introduction. I would like to remind you again that we accept coins and currency but peep show tokens are not considered currency. Did you hear that, Pete?Pete: Ah, yeah.Charles: (passes around basket) Also, ...

Get The Full Story At Lusty Library]]> http://www.lustylibrary.com/Stories/Straight/Humor-Satire/Dream-Job-(Everymans-Fantasy)_10312 Straight:Humor/Satire Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:07:50 -0400
Librarian's note: I know it appears this story violates one of the content rules. Just keep reading to the end...The California Board of Education meeting once again ran late into the night. The stale air became stifling in the August evening, as the air conditioning units had been shut down over an hour ago. Tempers started to flare, as discussions had become as hot as the California sunshine. Arguments were heard and heard again with no end in sight."Look," said the chairman flatly, "we have to find a solution and soon. The dropout rate in the Southern California School system is at an all time high. Attendance rates are the worst in decades. Our federal funding is in jeopardy. If we don't fix this problem immediately, all our paychecks will be on the line. Believe me, heads will roll."His words were ominous. Suddenly you could hear a pin drop."We will adjourn and reconvene in the morning," he added in a serious tone, "we are all tired and we are getting nowhere tonight."The next day's meeting got off relatively smoothly. People seemed refreshed and a bit more spirited than the previous night.The usual suggestions of tying teachers' pay to student test scores and other accountability issues were once again debated and shot down. Once again the meeting seemed to be going nowhere. The chairman was visibly frustrated."Mr. Chairman, I have a suggestion," said a female voice from the crowd."State your ...

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